Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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