So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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