May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
