it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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