My balls are so social today.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
