And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
