his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
