Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
