What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
we should paint friendship bongs
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
