dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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