I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
