And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
