I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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