I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
