my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
