Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
