I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
