but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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