the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
