So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
