Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
