bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
