her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
