You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
