"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
