I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
