I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
