Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
