She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
