dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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