i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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