where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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