Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
