Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
