Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
