I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
