bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
