She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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