Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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