Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
