Say something about gay babies.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize