Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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