In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
where does the pee come out of this thing
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
