he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
