with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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