He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
