I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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