Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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