Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
