The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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