census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
