She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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