I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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