those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
