what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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