So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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