He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
