at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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