those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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