i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
