the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
