the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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