Just took my morning after pill in the library
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think people are normalizing furries
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
