NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
