A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
