You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize